Fall Forever
by Raythe
Summary: Chuck x Lily: Chuck moves back in after saving Lily from Jack Bass. Close quarters and kindred spirits make their relationship grow and change. Add in some eldritch aspects, a sprinkling of supernatural and horror. Taking GG to a whole new place.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Fall Forever

Part 1 of ?

Author: Raythe

Fandom: Gossip Girl

Pairing: Lily Bass/Chuck Bass

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Warnings: AU, Angst, Romance

Background and Summary: This story was inspired by the episode where Jack Bass attempts to rape Lily in the powder room at the opera and Chuck saves her. Chuck moves back in with Lily, Serena and Erik. The closeness between Chuck and Lily grows blossoming into something else.

I'm going to add in a supernatural element. Some mystery. Some horror. Some Lovecraftian eldritch touches. This is going to be long and sexy and complicated like all my works. I hope you'll come along for the ride.

Please let me know what you think. Reviews are my life's blood.

Raythe

CHAPTER ONE: CAUGHT

The nightmare gripped Chuck in its skeletal hands. He was in a dark shaft, falling, falling, falling. He tried to grip the slimy roots that whipped past, but he couldn't catch hold of them. Instead they scratched his face and sliced open his palms. And deeper he fell.

'_I can't fall forever!'_ Chuck thought as another dirt-crusted root slipped through his fingers.

He looked down below him, but saw nothing. Only blackness. This was hell: he was surrounded by oily darkness, the air thick with the fetid scent of rotting fruit, and his face and arms stinging from countless cuts.

Maybe he _could_ fall forever.

Then something gentle touched his sounders. These touches were warm, but firm. They slowed his progress. Then they stopped him in place. He was no longer falling, but rising.

And that was when Chuck woke up.

He woke like a swimmer coming out of deep, cold water. His mouth opened and he gulped air. His eyes flew open, but at first he could see nothing but a sheet of white, because he was dazzled by the sunlight spilling in through the floor to ceiling windows in his bedroom suite.

His bedroom suite.

He was home. With Lily. Who was standing at the side of his bed. Her blonde hair done up hastily. A red silk robe wrapped around her slender body. Her elegant white hands were reaching out for him. It was her touch that had stopped him from falling, that had caught him and brought him back.

"You were screaming," Lily said, trying to explain her presence in his bedroom in the early morning hours.

"I was … I didn't realize. Nightmare, I suppose," Chuck said, his eyes trained on that 'V' of pale flesh at her throat. Rufus had spent the night. She probably had nothing on under the robe. His mouth suddenly went dry. He blinked and purposefully looked away.

This was Lily. A mother-like figure to him. He respected her. He wanted her friendship and … she was the only family he had. Jack didn't count. Jack was scum. He wouldn't ruin this with carnal thoughts.

A lock of Lily's hair fell from the bum and she used one finger to loop it back behind her ear. She took a step forward and sat gingerly on the edge of his bed. He could feel the warmth of her body against his thigh. He should have shifted it away from her, but instead he found himself relaxing into her. She reached forward and laid a hand on his bare shoulder.

"Charles, how long has this been going on? You sounded as if … as if you were being _ripped_ apart," she said and shivered. He fingers tightened their grip on him.

"It's nothing, Lily. A bad dream," Chuck answered, trying to keep his tone light, with a hint of insolence that normally shut people down. But Lily had never fallen for that part of him.

"Anything that can make you sound like … like _that_ … isn't nothing. It could never be nothing. Not to _me_," Lily answered him, that earnest, searching look lighting her face.

A flood of unaccustomed warmth rushed through Chuck. Only she, and Blair to a lesser extent, could make him feel this way. It was dangerous to be so in the thrall of anyone. To be made fragile by their caring.

"Probably just the drugs leaving my system," Chuck answered her. Perhaps evidence of his past transgressions would make that loving look in her eyes go away. He ducked his head down as he said it, unable to see the look die.

Her hand left his shoulder and the loss of her touch was like a blow to his stomach, but then she was cupping his face, tilting his chin up, making him look at her. "I'm not giving up on you, Charles. I'm going to be here no matter what you do. That's what families do. You'll believe me … in time."

She suddenly stood up and her robe parted more, showing the swell of her creamy breasts. Chuck tucked his hands under the blankets, because if he didn't he would reach for her, tumble her down on his bed and cover her with his body. He ached for her. And even though he told himself that this feeling would leave, that it meant nothing other than he needed to get laid, inside of his deepest self he knew that neither was true.

"Rufus is probably waiting for you," Chuck said, keeping the sneering to a minimum as he said the other man's name. "You should get back to him."

"Rufus? Oh …" A slight blush and a nervous twist of invisible pearls at her throat. "He left last night. He wants to be home to see Dan and Jenny off for school."

"He didn't stay with you? After what happened with Jack …" His disbelieving tone wasn't hidden.

Lily's eyes dropped from his. "Don't be silly. That was ages ago. I'm not a wilting flower that needs someone here to hold my hand every minute of the day."

"You should have told me. I would have …" Chuck broke off. What would he have done? Offered to spend the night with her? "I would have been there for you."

"That's sweet, Charles. But unnecessary. I'm fine," Lily said with that false light lilt to her tone, which told him she was anything but.

"Don't lie to me, Lily," Chuck said. "You don't have to lie to me."

Another twist of invisible pearls, but then she stilled as their gazes met. "Charles, _I'm _ the one that should be taking care of _you_. Not the other way around."

"Funny," Chuck said as he got out of bed, clad only in dark blue silk boxers. "I thought that family was supposed to take care of each other."

Was he imagining it or did her eyes skate over his abdomen then quickly skitter back up.

She laughed. "All right. We'll take care of each other."

"Perfect," Chuck said.

"Well, I should let you … let you … get yourself together," Lily stammered and turned towards the door.

He didn't know what possessed him at that moment to stop her. His hands were just suddenly on her shoulders. His chest was just half an inch from her back. She froze and he heard her gasp. But she didn't pull away and he made his grip feather light so that she knew she could break it at any time.

"Rufus doesn't deserve you," Chuck said, his voice lowering. "My father didn't deserve you either." Her hair tickled his cheek as he leant closer to her.

"Charles," her voice barely above a whisper.

He felt the thin trill of arousal coil in his belly just from her voice saying his name.

"Don't forget your worth, Lily," Chuck said and released her.

She stood there for a long moment before she went to his bedroom door. She held onto the door jam, her knuckles white from the strain.

"I'm trying to do what's best for you. I want to do what's best for you," she said and then she was gone.

A smile grew on Chuck's face. He could read between the lines better than anyone. And what she meant when she said she wanted to do what was best for him was that she felt the same way he did. But she was afraid of hurting him.

But he was Chuck Bass. And risking hurt was what he did.

So damn good intentions. Sometimes … it was good to fall.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Fall Forever

Part 2 of ?

Author: Raythe

Fandom: Gossip Girl

Pairing: Lily Bass/Chuck Bass

**Disclaimer: I ****do not own Gossip Girl**** and I ****do not make any money**** from these writings.**

Warnings: AU, Angst, Romance

Background and Summary: This story was inspired by the episode where Jack Bass attempts to rape Lily in the powder room at the opera and Chuck saves her. Chuck moves back in with Lily, Serena and Erik. The closeness between Chuck and Lily grows blossoming into something else. It comes out that Bart Bass was researching into the history of Chuck's mother and had some of her family's heirlooms delivered to Miskatonic University for study just before he died. Intrigued that his father was looking into his mother's family, Chuck and Lily decide to investigate. What they find is unexpected and dangerous.

I've taken some liberties with Chuck's family history. As you will discover in this chapter, I've had Chuck's mother die in a mysterious manner and am weaving her family's history with hints of a famous Lovecraft story.

Please let me know what you think. Reviews are my life's blood.

Raythe

CHAPTER TWO: HEIRLOOMS

"Nathaniel, what are you up to on this day of days?" Chuck asked into his cell.

Chuck was just putting the finishing touches on his hair. He stared back at himself in his bathroom mirror, noting with approval that he looked well-rested even though he felt like road kill. His eyes itched with the need to close and his movements were languid almost to the point of sluggishness, but he wouldn't tempt fate by going back to sleep. The dream would engulf him again like it always did and Lily wouldn't be there to save him this time. She was meeting Rufus for breakfast. He saw the sneer he made in the mirror at the thought of the aging rocker.

"You do realize what time it is, Chuck. Did you not go to bed at all last night? There's no way you'd be willingly up this early," Nate said, laughter in his voice.

"No, I was chased from sleep by … well, monsters of my own making. Can you meet for breakfast?" Chuck asked, trying not to sound as desperate for company as he felt.

"I'm … ah … kinda busy right at the moment …" Nate said. "Maybe later?"

"Ah, the fair Vanessa … or is it Jenny Humphrey today?" Chuck asked and tightened his hand imperceptibly around the phone. With Nate, Chuck always came second to his newest crush.

"Can't really talk to you about that now. But I'll call you later, okay?" Nate asked.

"I'm not one to stand in the way of young love, Nathaniel. Later then," Chuck said and ended the call, swallowing his bitterness.

He leant heavily against the vanity. Perhaps he could call Blair, try again to raise their friendship from the dead, but no, even if things weren't so glacial between them, she would be busy going to school. Couldn't miss a day and risk losing Yale. Serena and Erik would be at school, too. Chuck didn't have to go anymore. First, he had been excused due to his father's death and then Lily had somehow arranged for him to be on a semester long "internship" at Bass Industries.

_Lily_.

He shut his eyes. So damned thoughtful. Then again maybe it was merely shrewd. She knew he wouldn't go even if it had been required of him. Better not to have to deal with the Headmistress' phone calls about his mounting absences or ridiculous daily arguments about why he needed an education.

Lily was still here. He could see her one last time before she went off with Rufus. Maybe even convince her to stay with him instead.

With that thought, Chuck pushed off from the vanity and loped downstairs. He slowed his pace as he entered the living room. Lily was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. Her hair now bound carefully, a few tendrils trailing artfully down to softly frame her face. She was reading something that perplexed her. Her mouth was pursed in consternation. He padded over quietly so that she didn't hear him and continued to read, touching a pen to a sheaf of papers, making marks of things of interest. Lines of concentration furrowed her brow. He loved when she looked like that, all of her focus on something, showing she was so much more than a vapid socialite. His father had been wise to court and marry her.

Chuck leaned against the fireplace and just studied her. She was wearing a cream cashmere sweater and jeans that hugged her hips and accentuated the slimness of her thighs. A single ruby pendant hung from a slender sliver chain between her small breasts. This casual, yet elegant look was to make Rufus feel more comfortable with her, Chuck knew. She could wear a potato sack and still look beautiful so it didn't matter, but Chuck found it irritating that Rufus couldn't fully accept Lily for who and what she was. Chuck would never be intimidated by Lily's world, because it was his own. Rufus didn't belong. Chuck only wished Lily saw that.

Her forehead puckered more as she flipped over to the next sheet of paper. Chuck longed to smooth the lines of stress from her forehead with his fingers or a press of his lips. He wondered what on earth she would do if he did that and if it was worth the risk of moving too fast to find out. It was then she finally noticed him. Her eyes started at his feet and swept up his body to his face. He felt an unaccustomed blush heat his cheekbones.

"I hope I look better than I feel," he said with a self-mocking smile.

"You always look … very handsome, Charles," she said, hesitating only a moment before giving him the compliment.

"And you look … very lovely … as always," Chuck said.

She smiled and there was a spark of something in her eyes, but she quickly hid it behind motherly concern. "Are you sure you should be up? Perhaps some more rest would be better."

Chuck shook his head. "I'm awake. I don't want to sleep." Ever again, he added silently to himself.

"Well, I can understand that … I suppose. I just don't want you to risk getting ill," she said.

Chuck's eyes widened and he snorted softly before saying, "You know what I've done to my body in the past with drugs and alcohol and sex. And you're worried I'll get sick from not getting enough _sleep_?"

"It could happen! Well, maybe not," she chuckled and then really laughed, her shoulders shaking with it.

He laughed more, too, until his sides hurt with it. He knew their laughter was tinged with hysteria. Maybe he wasn't the only one not sleeping. And the laughter in him died. He cursed Jack. And Rufus. And whatever else was keeping Lily from her rest.

He sat down beside her. A line of warmth between them as their thighs almost touched. He flicked a finger over the papers she still held in her hand.

"What's this?" Chuck asked.

"Oh, it's so strange. It's something your father was working on before he … before the accident," Lily said and handed the papers to him.

Some tight part in him that didn't believe anyone would every trust him loosened at the easy way she shared things with him. His eyes scanned the papers as she talked.

"He'd been researching the Marshes … an old New England family," Lily said.

"Marsh? That's my mother's family name," Chuck said sharply and a tendril of cold inched up his spine.

"Your mother's … oh, well, perhaps that explains his interest then," Lily said and leant nearer to him, pointing to some of the lines on the paper of items purchased. "He'd located several ancient manuscripts that had been in the Marsh line for centuries. And other heirlooms, which aren't described."

"I don't know why he would do this. My father would never speak of her. My mother. She died soon after I was born. She … she walked into the ocean. Drowned," Chuck said.

His lips felt numb. He couldn't remember her: Caroline Bass nee Marsh. He'd tried to question his father about her, but the older man would tell him little. Only one night when Bart had been uncharacteristically drunk he'd told Chuck that his mother had had dreams. Terrible dreams that seemed to creep into their lives. He'd laughed harshly and looked, for the first time ever in Chuck's experience, afraid. It wasn't lost on him that he, too, was having horrible dreams. But didn't everyone? Surely it didn't mean anything.

Lily's hand suddenly was on his forearm. He could feel the warmth of her skin. "Oh, Charles, I'm so sorry."

"He used to say that I … that I looked just like her. That I had her eyes," Chuck said. "The Marsh eyes."

"She must have been very beautiful then," Lily said, gently.

Chuck gave a mirthless chuckle, "It wasn't a compliment."

"That can't be. Your father loved—"

Chuck cut her off, his gaze focused on the fireplace as he explained, "There was something _wrong_ with her. You can see it in … some of the later photos. She doesn't look … I mean, she's beautiful, but there's something … _off_. I think he was afraid that she passed it onto me."

Lily cupped his face like she had done earlier that morning and made him turn towards her. Her eyes had that look of love and acceptance that Chuck found so enticing and frightening at the same time.

"I don't believe anything's wrong with you. I _know_ nothing is wrong with you. Just the opposite. Perhaps your father was gathering these things about your mother's family so you could have them," she said.

"Lily, my father burnt all my mother's clothes, sold her jewels, even threw out her hairbrush as if everything she touched was … _contaminated_. He wouldn't want me to have anything to do with her," Chuck said. "Or the Marsh family."

"Well, it looks like he spent quite a bit of time tracking her family heirlooms down. There must be a reason he did it," Lily said. "Look they are to be delivered to Miskatonic University today. He hired a Dr. Frederick Wilkinson to … study them. Maybe Dr. Wilkinson will know why your father did this."

"Miskatonic University. Isn't that the place where they do they do all the scientific research into the paranormal?" Chuck asked.

"I think so. It's a first class institution even if its focus is … _unique_," Lily said.

Her breath was perfumed with mint and felt hot against his face. "_Unique?_ Hmmm, sounds like quite a place. I think I'll go there to see Dr. Wilkinson and my father's … last treasures. Come with me?"

He felt her still by his side. Chuck knew the dance that was to occur between them now. She would say she was supposed to meet Rufus for lunch and so she couldn't go with him. Then he'd remind her of how alone he was in the world. Guilt would then move her and she would be at an impasse of what to do. Spend time with her adopted son or her lover. Chuck wanted to show her that those people could be one and the same.

That's how things were supposed to progress with them.

But she surprised him.

"I'd like that, Charles. I just have to make a phone call first and get my coat," she said and rose from the couch.

Shocked, he didn't move for long moments. She walked over to the next room before flipping open her cell phone and pressing a number on speed dial. He rose and wandered close enough to hear, but far enough away so it wouldn't be obvious he was eavesdropping.

"Rufus?" She said and did her voice sound a cool note? "Yes, its me. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel our plans for today. Yes, something's come up with Charles." There was a long pause. "I'm sorry you're disappointed. I'll make up to you. How about dinner tomorrow? We can even stay in. Wonderful. Love you, too."

Chuck retreated to the hall closet to get his own floor length black dress coat. His chest had constricted when she said she'd loved Rufus while another part was soaring that she chose him over the other man. They would get to spend the whole day together.

Lily walked over to him then, her flared camel-colored dress coat hanging over her arm, a matching purse clutched in her free hand. He took the coat from her and held it up for her.

"Thank you, Charles," she said over her shoulder as he helped her slip the coat on.

Her flowery perfume flowed over him. It had a hint of spice to it that he found addictive. He laid his hands on her shoulders and slid them down to her forearms, smoothing the coat's line out. She relaxed against him and they stood there like that for a moment: her back to his front.

"We should go. The University's a few hours away by car," she said, but made no move to break away from him.

"I'm glad you're coming with me," Chuck said softly into her ear. "I didn't want to be … alone today."

She turned in his arms. She was a few inches shorter than him so she had to look up to meet his gaze. The look she gave him was prize enough for baring even a part of himself to her.

"I could say that you're not alone that you have family. But I know that … sometimes even when we're with the ones we love, we can still feel … alone, isolated," she said softly.

"Is that how you feel? Even with Rufus?" Chuck asked, almost willing it to be so.

She stiffened in his arms and began to back away. It was like the mention of Rufus' name made her realize they were embracing. "We shouldn't talk about Rufus. We shouldn't … shouldn't be like _this_."

"What is _this_, Lily? I know what it is for me, but what is it for you?" Chuck asked as he dipped his head down. Her lips practically begged to be kissed.

But she was suddenly out of his grasp, a few feet from him, her hand her heart, a heightened flush to her cheeks. "_This_ … is something we can _never_ have. Do you understand, Charles?"

Chuck's jaw tightened. "I don't do _never_. I don't accept _never_."

"You'll have to this one time. It's for the best. You'll see. You'll find someone special soon and … _this_ will fade away," she said, her chest still heaving, bright spots of color still staining her cheeks. "We need to go now." She began putting on her gloves, her eyes downcast. "You're my son, Charles. That's … that's got to be enough for both of us."

With that she was heading to the door. Chuck felt a mixture of frustration and admiration for her. Nothing worth getting was ever easy. But he wasn't one to back away from a challenge. With that thought he threw on his coat and went after her. Whatever strange things they might discover about his mother were secondary to the thought that Lily would be by his side discovering them right along with him.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Fall Forever

Part 3 of ?

Author: Raythe

Fandom: Gossip Girl

Pairing: Lily Bass/Chuck Bass

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl and I do not make any money from these writings.**

Warnings: AU, Angst, Romance

Background and Summary: This story was inspired by the episode where Jack Bass attempts to rape Lily in the powder room at the opera and Chuck saves her. Chuck moves back in with Lily, Serena and Erik. The closeness between Chuck and Lily grows, blossoming into something else.

Lily and Chuck travel to Miskatonic University in the city of Arkham to meet with Dr. Wilkinson, a professor of paranormal studies who was hired by Bart Bass to investigate various heirlooms from Chuck's mother's family. What will Chuck find out about his maternal roots? And will being away from Manhattan, alone with Lily, open up new possibilities between them?

Please let me know what you think. Reviews are my life's blood.

Raythe

CHAPTER THREE: FAMILY RESEMBLANCE

Chuck's Blackberry vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and looked at the screen. It was a text from Gossip Girl: "Newsflash! It appears that our favorite amoral hottie, prince-around-town, Chuck Bass, was adopted by Lily Bass nee van der Woodsen. Seems this action cuts off Jack Bass' control of Bass Industries and puts the prince in line for the empire's driver's seat when he turns 18. Sometimes blood isn't thicker than … well … _money and power_. You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl."

"You're about a week late, GG. Hardly a newsflash," Chuck muttered. Then he noticed that his cell no longer had a signal. "Good thing you called Dr. Wilkinson and set up that appointment _before_ we left Manhattan, Lily. We're in a dead zone." He held out the phone for her to see.

Lily had been looking out the window of the limo at the landscape, which held no interest for Chuck. All he could see through the glass was miles of dead tall-grass waving in the breeze. No people. No buildings even. Chuck itched for the hustle and bustle of a big city. This was not at all his sort of place.

Lily turned her head towards him and glanced at his phone. With a smile, she covered his hand with her own, "Somehow it's appropriate that we don't have a signal out here. It is a bit like going back in time."

"More like the land that time forgot," Chuck said.

Lily laughed. He loved how her eyes sparkled when she was happy. He laced their fingers together. Her hand felt warm and fragile in his.

Lily stilled, but she didn't draw away. Her voice was soft as she said, "We should be at Miskatonic soon. I think the outskirts of city of Arkham are only a few miles away."

"Arkham … isn't that the name of the institution where all the crazed villains go in the Batman series?" Chuck asked.

"It won't be that bad, Charles. Dr. Wilkinson sounded … sweet, if a little strange. And he's very excited to meet you."

"I wonder why."

"Who knows why academic get hyped up? Besides, it's nice to get away from Manhattan for awhile, isn't it? Peaceful out here. You can almost forget …," her voice faded off and Chuck wondered what she was going to say, what she wanted to forget. Suddenly, she said, "Look. There's the ocean."

The winding road they had been on for the last hour was now running parallel to the Atlantic Ocean. Chuck watched as huge waves rolled in, crashing over jagged rocks that lined the beach. The water looked dark under the pale winter sun: a slate gray with foamy white peaks.

Chuck had a sudden and fierce desire to have the cold surge of those waves all around him. He imagined what it would be like to feel the sucking sensation of the undertow on his legs, the sting of the cold spray hitting his face, and the bitter tang of ocean water on his tongue. And then … then he imagined launching himself into the water's depths, not needing air or sunlight. The only thing anchoring him in the limo and stopping him from throwing open the door and leaping out to get to the ocean was Lily's hand in his.

Chuck shook himself. His heart began to pound and sweat broke out on his upper lip. _What_ had he been thinking? _Why_ had he been thinking _that_? Jumping out of a moving car and then running into the ocean like his mother … he didn't want to _die_. He wasn't suicidal. Yet leaping from a moving vehicle and then swimming in that arctic water would be a death sentence … despite what a small part of his mind whispered. He looked away from the ocean, hating it just as fiercely as he'd been drawn to it moments before.

"Charles? What is it? What's wrong?" Lily asked. She put her free hand on his forehead as if to check for a fever. He closed his eyes and enjoyed her touch.

"I'm all right. Just a momentary dizziness," Chuck lied. "Maybe I did need some more sleep this morning." He tried to give her a comforting smile, but he knew she didn't buy it.

Lily's brow furrowed with concern again. "If you want, I can go in and talk to Dr. Wilkinson myself. You can rest in the limo or we could find a local hotel where you could sleep for a few hours."

"No. I want to know what my father was up to in his final days … other than spying on you, Serena and Erik," Chuck said. "But if _you_ wanted _us_ to stay the night in Arkham … that would be fine with _me_."

He expected Lily to laugh and tell him that his attempt at seduction was appreciated, but wasn't going to work. Instead, her expression was deadly serious. "If you still don't feel well after our meeting with Dr. Wilkinson then we will stay. Perhaps being out of the city and away from everything would be good for you … for both of us."

Chuck swallowed. He hadn't expected her to agree. He felt a knot of apprehension and pleasure, both at the thought of having Lily to himself overnight and that she felt his condition so serious that she was willing to risk being alone with him for his health.

"Do I look so bad?" he asked, half-joking. "I thought you said I was very handsome earlier today."

"I am _concerned_, Charles," she said and squeezed his hand then with a slight smile, she added, "Don't worry. You still are handsome. In fact, most people wouldn't notice a thing was wrong with you, but I'm not most people."

Chuck rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. "No," he agreed. "You aren't."

The remainder of the ride was uneventful. Lily was right to think that Arkham wasn't far away. Soon Arkham's dark spires and gabled roofs came into view. The city reminded Chuck of an 18th century line-drawing. All blacks and grays and sharp angles. The houses were spindly Victorian things that loomed over the cobble-stoned streets. The people, those few Chuck saw, all walked with their heads down, hoods and scarves obscuring their faces.

"This place doesn't look real," Chuck said, breaking their comfortable silence.

"It really does feel … a part from everything, doesn't it?" Lily remarked. "Like the rest of the world doesn't exist." She pulled her coat tighter around her slender frame.

"Fitting place for a university that specializes in the paranormal. I could almost believe in ghosts myself if I lived here," Chuck said.

At that moment, the driver came around and opened Lily's door. The air smelt of the sea and coming snow. Chuck followed her out of the limo and looked up at the threatening gray skies. A storm was coming. Maybe they would be spending the night here whether or not he played ill later.

"Let's go see Dr. Wilkinson," Chuck said and offered Lily his arm. She didn't hesitate before looping her arm through his.

The entrance to the main campus of Miskatonic University wasn't hard to spot. There was a black wrought iron gate with worn gold lettering at the top reading 'Miskatonic University.' Beyond the gates was a courtyard surrounded by gothic-looking buildings. The gate was open and Chuck led Lily through. They followed a crooked stone path towards an impressive set of double doors. An embossed brass plaque beside one of the doors read, 'Library.' Dr. Wilkinson had said he'd meet them in the Library just outside of the entrance to the Archive.

Chuck pushed one of the Library's heavy doors open. The scent of leather, parchment and dust hit his nose. They filed inside and the quiet of the place settled over Chuck like a thick wool blanket.

"Now we've just got to find the good doctor," Lily whispered.

Chuck just nodded, not wanting to breach the sepulchral silence.

He and Lily wended their way through slate-topped desks towards the far wall where there was actually a gate separating one part of the library from the rest. Chuck guessed that the gated area was the Archive. The room was deceptively dim as the only light came from green-shaded bankers lamps, which were placed on the center of each table. The library's only concession to modernity were discretely placed Ethernet ports where students could plug in their laptops.

When they reached the gate, Chuck tried to open it, but it was securely locked. Beyond the gate were huge wooden shelves heavily laden with leather bound books that stretched off in either direction for as far as the eye could see.

"He did say he would meet us here," Lily said.

"Ah! Mrs. Bass?" A male, aged voice asked from behind them.

Chuck nearly jumped at the sound. He whipped around to face the speaker. An elderly man with a wild shock of white hair and gold-rimmed half-moon glasses was staring at him. The old man's eyes widened and he took a few steps towards Chuck. Before Chuck could stop him, the old man had grasped Chuck's chin and was turning his head this way and that.

"My goodness! Oh, my goodness! I can't believe it! Really and truly when you said that you had a _Marsh_ descendant … I never thought … well, I guess I wasn't prepared for it," the old man said.

"Ah, Dr. Wilkinson?" Lily asked, stepping forward to catch the professor's attention.

"Oh, yes, how rude of me. Yes, yes, I am Dr. Wilkinson. And you are Lily Bass and, of course, this _must _be Charles Marsh … I mean Charles _Bass_. My, my how fascinating!" Dr. Wilkinson said, his watery-blue eyes alight with interest.

It was at that point that Chuck recovered from the shock enough to take charge of things. He gently but firmly removed Dr. Wilkinson's hand from his person and took a step back for added safety in case the other man attempted to grab him again.

"What do find so interesting about my face?" Chuck asked.

"Oh, well, let me show you!" Dr. Wilkinson said.

With a sprightly step he was over at the locked door to the Archive. Instead of pulling out a ring of keys, he waved a key fob in front of the lock and the door opened. Even though Miskatonic looked old there were clearly more than a few hidden modern conveniences. Chuck was beginning to get the feeling the university was not exactly what it seemed to be.

The professor bustled inside, urging them to follow him. "Don't forget to close the door firmly behind you. Students are always trying to get in here and most of them _mustn't_. It just isn't _safe_ if you know what I mean."

Chuck looked at Lily and she raised a sculpted eyebrow. She clearly had no idea what Dr. Wilkinson was talking about either.

Dr. Wilkinson was muttering under his breath as he roamed down one aisle of books then another. "Aha! Here it is. I should have had it pulled out before you got here, but I was already cataloging what your late-husband had sent me. Such amazing finds that I simply couldn't tear myself away."

"What _did_ my father send you?" Chuck asked.

"Oh, many, many things. But I'll tell you about that all in good time, my boy. Let me first get this down. It'll help explain all the rest," the professor said.

Dr. Wilkinson pulled down a huge leather-bound volume bound with metal straps. He laid it on a table. Lily and Chuck gather around him as he opened the clasps and began riffling through the pages.

"Look," Dr. Wilkinson said with a flourish as he pointed to a particular page.

He had opened the aged volume to a page that had an ink drawing on it of a face. Lily gasped and her hand fluttered up to her throat. Chuck felt something cold run down his spine. The portrait could have been of him. Only according to the caption it was the portrait of Alexander Marsh who had died over two hundred years earlier.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Fall Forever

Part 4 of ?

Author: Raythe

Fandom: Gossip Girl, H.P. Lovecraft

Pairing: Lily Bass/Chuck Bass

**Disclaimer: I ****do not own Gossip Girl nor any of H.P. Lovecraft's work**** and I ****do not make any money**** from these writings.**

Warnings: AU, Angst, Romance, Horror, Angst

Background and Summary: This story was inspired by the "You've Got Yale!" episode wherein Jack Bass attempts to rape Lily in the powder room at the opera and Chuck saves her. Chuck moves back in with Lily, Serena and Erik. The closeness between Chuck and Lily grows, blossoming into something else.

This whole story incorporates, with great respect, the universe that H.P. Lovecraft created, including the Cthulhu Mythos and, especially the stories, The Call of Cthulhu and The Shadow Over Innsmouth. I have adapted them very liberally for my own purposes, but I highly recommend people read Lovecraft's original works. IMHO, Lovecraft is a great read. And, of course, I love Gossip Girl. Somehow combining them together felt natural even though it doesn't sound like it would work at first glance.

I hope you give it a try.

This Chapter: After learning some disturbing things about Chuck's maternal heritage, due to bad weather, Chuck and Lily are forced to spend the night at a hotel in shadow-haunted Arkham. Will spending time alone reveal more pleasant secrets? No smut in this chapter really, but there is a lot of verbal sparring. Expect smut to come up soon though.

Please let me know what you think. Reviews are my life's blood.

Raythe

CHAPTER FOUR: THROWBACK

Chuck's fingers traced the portrait of Alexander Marsh on the page. His hand trembled, but his voice sounded calm, even somewhat dismissive, as he said, "So I look like one of my ancestors. What's the excitement in that?"

Dr. Wilkinson's bushy eyebrows rose and his eyes became even rounder. "Well …" He blinked. "Well … the resemblance is _striking_."

"That's not exactly _earth-shattering_, Professor," Lily said just as evenly as Chuck, but her hands were at her throat twisting that invisible strand of pearls, which she always did when uneasy. "Being a throwback to an earlier generation happens all the time in families."

"Surely you know … I mean you _must_ know … about the Marshes and their peculiar heredity?" Dr. Wilkinson's moon-eyes went from Chuck to Lily, but when neither said anything, he shook his head. "Hmmm, from your expressions I can see that you don't. I wonder if that's … _fortunate_."

"I know nothing about my mother's family," Chuck said. "She … died … just after I was born. My father refused to discuss her, let alone her family. He acted as if she and they had nothing to do with us and were of no importance in our lives. Yet _now_ I find out that he's been investigating them all along. He even went so far as to hire _you_. So that's why we're here, Professor. I want to know what interested my father so much about the Marshes and why he was … _afraid_ of them."

Fear wasn't something that Chuck ever thought he'd say in relation to Bart Bass. His father had never been afraid of anyone. '_Except for her. He was afraid of my mother. A slight, wisp of a woman and he was terrified of her. And that was after she had died. What did he think? That she was going to walk back out of the water years later and drag him and me down with her into the cold depths?' _Chuck wondered.

Professor Wilkinson took off his glasses and polished them with a handkerchief. "Your father was afraid that what was _inside_ of your mother might not have _died_ with her."

Lily's voice was tight and angry, a protective edge to it, when she asked, "What on earth do you mean, Dr. Wilkinson? What was _inside_ of her? And where did he think this thing would go after her death?"

"In me," Chuck said softly and took one of Lily's balled up hands into his. "He was afraid that what was inside her is inside me. Isn't that right, Professor?"

"As I said your … _resemblance_ … to that _particular_ ancestor is striking. And every Marsh descendant who has those same … _features_ … has other similarities as well," Dr. Wilkinson said carefully.

"Is it some kind of disease? A hereditary disease?" Lily asked, her hand unclenching and threading her fingers through Chuck's.

"Not exactly," Dr. Wilkinson said. And then he asked sharply, "Your father … he didn't die in the water did he?"

"No, he didn't, but my mother did," Chuck said

"Yes, I know. She walked into the ocean, didn't she? And people assumed she drowned, because she was never heard from again. Although her body was never found …" Dr. Wilkinson said. "I did read that your father died in a car accident, but … sometimes the papers cannot be counted on for the _truth_. So I'm sorry to have asked you, but I had to _know_."

"Its fine," Chuck said almost absently. He was still reeling from the information that his mother's body had not been found. He hadn't known that. He'd discovered pictures of her funeral in a locked drawer in his father's home office. The pictures showed a white coffin covered in a fan of orchids. The casket must have been empty under its blanket of flowers. For some reason, the image made him sick and his gut churned again. "My mother's body … it was never found?"

"No. The only reason we know that she went into the water is because your father said he saw her do so, but he was too far away to do anything about it," the professor said mildly, but Dr. Wilkinson's tone reminded Chuck of an iceberg; very little appeared above the water, but miles of danger lay below.

"He didn't tell me that. He never said he was anywhere near her when …," Chuck's voice tapered off. "Why does water matter?"

"The Marshes have an _affinity_ for water," Dr. Wilkinson explained. "Almost an obsession with it. Your father thought that the Marsh fixation was purely _psychological_. A sort of _madness_ that could be traced through the genes and would come out most strongly in those who had certain physical Marsh attributes. And those that did have those attributes, who did have that affinity … well, they have all died … by drowning in the ocean."

The image of those crashing waves that he and Lily had seen on their way to Arkham rose up before Chuck's mind's eye; the waves that had fascinated him, had called to him on a primal level. The desire to just open the limo's door and throw himself out to get into the ocean … _'It was a little crazy. More like a lot crazy to think of doing that,' _Chuck thought. His stomach roiled with that unnamed fear, but he forced himself back into the present.

"What _exactly_ is this water affinity?" Lily asked, her hand tightening around Chuck's to an almost painful degree.

"It's hard to describe—"

"_Hard to describe_?" Lily's voice was sharp, rising on the end. "_Really_, Professor? Because it sounds relatively simple. It seems to me that you are suggesting that Charles is going to walk into the ocean like his mother. That he's going to … to … to drown himself. Isn't that what you believe this affinity for water is?"

"No, he doesn't think that," Chuck interrupted, rubbing his thumb over the back of Lily's cold hand to calm her protective instincts. "If he thought that then he wouldn't have asked if Bart died in water. My father's not a Marsh so there's no reason he would drown himself."

"You're a very smart young man," Dr. Wilkinson said with a smile.

"So I've been told," Chuck answered coolly.

"I think you need to speak much more plainly, Dr. Wilkinson. I won't expose my _son_ to much more of this," Lily said.

Chuck felt a flash of pride to be called her son and just as strong a flash of desire that she not think of him in that way at all.

"Lily's right. It feels like we're dancing around the real issues here. Are you going to explain clearly or keep us guessing with hints?" Chuck asked.

"Explanations will be forthcoming. More than you'll ever want, I'm afraid. But I think my office is a more comfortable setting to discuss this. And some of the artifacts are there. I think you'll find both most elucidating," Dr. Wilkinson said and gestured for them to accompany him out of the Archive.

With a heart full of foreboding, Chuck, still holding Lily's hand, followed after the professor.

***

_Several hours later at the Excelsior Inn's Bar in Arkham …_

Chuck stared out the bow window of the Excelsior Inn's bar. He was watching the thick flakes of falling snow. The snow was coming down so hard that his view of the picturesque storefronts across the way was only intermittent. While they had been meeting with Dr. Wilkinson, snow had been falling almost constantly. When he and Lily had emerged from the University, it had been shocking to see the sharp gray/black lines of Arkham softened by a blanket of white.

Considering the ongoing snow storm, it wasn't a surprise when their driver had been leery about attempting to drive back into Manhattan that day. They decided it was safer if they stayed the night in Arkham and then returned home in the morning.

Chuck rolled his shoulders back to relieve some of the tension from the day's meeting with Dr. Wilkinson. He was already far more relaxed than he had a right to be considering the topics they had discussed. But the Excelsior seemed to slow Chuck's anxiety to a molasses-like crawl. Perhaps it was the Excelsior's old-world atmosphere.

Like the whole of Arkham, the Excelsior made Chuck think of an earlier, simpler time. The furniture was dark mahogany, the ceilings tin and the walls covered in flocked wallpaper. The beds were big and comfortable, heaped with pillows and thick blankets. There were working wood fireplaces in each room, which were stacked with logs and tinder, ready to be lit when guests retired for the night. The Excelsior appeared to cater to the maxim of quality over quantity. Chuck had been unwillingly impressed. He'd feared they would be stuck in a Motel 6 or some other rattrap, but instead they would spend the night in sumptuous comfort.

To add to Chuck's pleasure, he and Lily had adjoining rooms with a connecting door. He couldn't help the grin that flashed across his features as he remembered how Lily had opened that shared door and left it open between their rooms after they'd checked in and headed down to the bar for a before-dinner drink. But the thrill at being alone with Lily for the night was muted by what they had learnt from Dr. Wilkinson. Chuck told himself he didn't believe what the old man had said. He couldn't believe, because it would require him to rework his entire thinking about the world and he just … couldn't. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"_Imagine the reality you know is like the topmost layer of an onion,"_ Dr. Wilkinson had said to them when they'd reached his musty office. _"There are many layers underneath, each as real and as vital as the top. What I'm going to tell you, what you're going to see, will require you to peel back those layers and look at the hidden core."_

His memory was interrupted when Lily pressed a glass of scotch into his hand.

"Thank you," he said.

"I think we both needed a drink after today's meeting and I didn't want you to use your fake ID to get it for us," she answered, her voice tinted with a smile. "Although I think this means I'm aiding in the corruption of a minor."

"Don't worry, Lily. I'm already fully corrupted. You're not adding even a speck of black to my soul," Chuck said and took a mouthful of scotch. Its smooth peaty taste flooded his taste buds.

"You paint yourself way too dark, Charles. If you were as black a character as you claim to be you wouldn't care about others as much as you do," Lily paused, seeing Chuck open his mouth to protest. "I'll give you examples if you don't believe me, which you clearly don't. You've been a good influence on Jonathan when he really needed it. And you chose not to let out my secret when … you had more than enough reason to hurt me at the time."

"I'm sorry for all the other times that I _did_ hurt you," Chuck said softly. "I didn't exactly pull many of my punches. I remember being quite a bastard … what little I can recall of that time. The vast amounts of alcohol and drugs I took have blotted out most of the rest. I'm rather glad about that."

Lily tucked a loose strand of her blonde hair behind a delicate ear, as she answered, "You were upset about Bart's death and I … didn't handle myself like I should have. No matter what was going on between Bart and me at the time, I should have recognized that my actions would harm you as well and done things much differently."

Her tone was so pensive that Chuck couldn't help but look at her. She was facing towards the windows, her dark eyes staring at the snow, cradling a glass of red wine against her chest. The winter light made her look ghostly pale. Like a fragile, porcelain doll.

"Don't … don't keep thinking these things, Lily. The past is done. I … I forgive you for anything you might have done wrong. Can you forgive me?" Chuck had never asked for forgiveness before, because he rarely, if ever, admitted doing wrong. He hadn't intended to ask for it this time, but the question had popped out without conscious thought.

She turned towards him. One of those brilliant smiles lit up her entire face. She looked nothing like a doll now. She was alive and vibrant and … he wanted her to be his.

"I forgive you, Charles. Thank you for forgiving me," she said and ran her hand down the side of his face. Then she was wrapping her arms around herself as if to restrain them from reaching for him.

He ached for her touch. He wanted to burst through the constraints that were around both of them. So what if he was her son on paper; he wasn't by blood. And they could keep things secret until he was older and then come out with their relationship like it was new. Bass Industries stock might take a hit, but it would recover. There would be talk, but it would eventually fade away with the newest scandal du jour.

Besides all of these problems would be worth it. She was the perfect mate for him.

When he had wanted to get out of Jack's control, it was Lily who had reined him in from his worst excesses and yet had still managed to extricate him from the mess he had created. And she'd done it legally. Then she'd done something he didn't think anyone would ever do: she'd believed in him, in the goodness in him, so much that she was going to give him Bass Industries.

She was meant for him. But she didn't know that yet. She thought he needed a mother. A protector. But he needed far more than that. The question was how to convince her of it.

His eyes flickered over to her as she brought her wine glass to her lips and took a long sip. A hint of her lipstick adhered to the glass and Chuck had the wild desire to lick it off. He tightened his hand on his own drink until the feeling went away.

"I know what you're thinking, Charles," Lily said suddenly, turning to face him.

"Somehow I doubt that," he answered, keeping the slightly hysterical laugh from sneaking out as he took another swallow of scotch, relishing the burn as it went down.

"You're thinking that even if what Dr. Wilkinson told us is a bunch of … superstitious garbage, which it _is_ … that he's _right_ in one aspect," Lily said, one manicured nail tapping lightly on her glass.

"And what aspect is that?" Chuck asked, even as his throat felt suddenly tight.

"That there's something intrinsically … _wrong_ … with you," she answered. She reached and touched his shoulder. He moved into her hand, relishing the feeling of her warmth against him. She continued, "It isn't true. Nothing is wrong with you, Charles. Quite the opposite. You're one of the most … intelligent, complex and interesting people I've ever met."

Chuck found that he couldn't look at her, not when she had that earnest look in her eyes, so he stared unseeingly out the window again as he answered her, "Thank you for the compliments, Lily. Coming from you they mean something. You're always trying to be … what my parents never were for me."

"Your father was proud of you. He just had difficulty expressing that. And I'm sure that your mother—"

Chuck snorted, interrupting her. "I don't think I _care_ what a woman who worshipped some mythical sea monster would think of me."

"Charles, I know that what Professor Wilkinson said was upsetting to say the least, but—"

"She worshipped a _sea monster_, Lily. Not just a sea monster, but a sea monster that comes from _outer space_!" Chuck lowered his voice as he noticed he was getting a lot of looks from people in the bar. He ran a hand through his hair. "The Marshes were crazy cultists. My _mother_ was a crazy cultist. Worshipping some strange, ancient, tentacled _thing_ named Cthulhu, which is supposed to rise out of the ocean when the stars are aligned to destroy the world."

Chuck grimaced as he heard the tone of his voice. He didn't mean to be rude with Lily. She was trying to help. Like she always did. And he was snapping at her. Like he always did. But somehow she always looked past his bristly exterior to see what he really felt.

"I know. I was there, Charles. And I am as incredulous as you are about it, even though Dr. Wilkinson seemed to believe that Cthulhu is … _real_," Lily said.

"Which just shows that he's crazy, too. Perhaps it's something in the _water_ out here," Chuck said. "Or maybe that's just my _water affinity_ talking."

"Maybe he is a little … eccentric … okay, a lot eccentric," Lily said. "But his conviction also shows that intelligent people can believe in things that are … unbelievable."

"Meaning?"

"That just because your mother believed in this Cthulhu doesn't mean she was foolish or stupid or … even insane. She believed in something … something that we might not, because our upbringing was not like hers," Lily said, her hand on his shoulder gently rubbing. "For her … and this is a bad example, but maybe for her Cthulhu was like Santa Claus or … well, something that was just accepted, because she was taught it existed."

"We grow out of believing in Santa Claus, Lily. But most people believe in him in the first place, because he brings them _presents_. Cthulhu brings _death_. What kind of person believes in _that_ and _wants_ that to happen?" Chuck asked.

He then went silent, staring out at the blinding snow and remembering what Dr. Wilkinson had told them that afternoon about his mother's beliefs. It was easier than thinking about how _logical_ and _sane_ the professor had seemed when he'd told them these impossible things. And Chuck didn't want to investigate why something inside of him had vibrated at his stories of Cthulhu as if he were hearing something he'd known already, something that rang horribly true to him.

"_I'm going to ask you to put aside what you think you know and listen to what I have to say with as open a mind as possible,"_ Dr. Wilkinson had begun,_ "Before I actually experienced what I'm going to tell you about, I would have thought it science fiction at best, but, unfortunately, its all too true."_

And then Dr. Wilkinson had explained what he believed to be the truth: Before humanity arose from the primordial ooze, there were other highly intelligent, highly evolved beingsthat ruled the Earth known only as the "Old Ones" and Cthulhu was one of the greatest of them. Although these beings had vanished eons before humanity's march of evolution began, remnants of their cities, huge, sprawling, cyclopean complexes, could still be found on uninhabited islands, deep in jungles, at the inaccessible Poles or beneath the ocean waves. Something of their magic or technology stopped their civilization from being totally erased by countless ages. And even though Cthulhu had died millennium before humans ever walked this world, there were those in the human race who worshipped it to the current day.

"_If Cthulhu is gone … why worship it?" _Chuck had asked the professor.

"_Through my studies, I came across a phrase that the cultists would use in their rituals: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. This phrase, spoken in a forgotten tongue, means: In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu lies dreaming." _Dr. Wilkinson had explained. _"The cultists believe that Cthulhu can be revived with certain rituals when the stars come around again to the right positions. And the cult your mother and her ancestors belonged to knew those rituals and was working to make that revival happen."_

"_But why? What did they think Cthulhu would do for them?"_ Chuck had asked.

The professor had pushed his glasses up on his nose, magnifying the fear in his eyes, and he had answered simply, _"Cthulhu will destroy humanity and bring back the other Old Ones, creating a new age, undreamt of in modern man's mythology. That is what the cultists seek."_

Chuck shivered even now in the Excelsior's bar at that simple, inescapable statement. The cultists sought the death of all humanity. His _mother _had sought that. Lily began to gently massage the newly tense muscles of his neck. He gave out a sigh, his eyes sliding half shut, and the professor's voice fading out from his mind. He felt like purring; suddenly happy to be in this moment with Lily no matter how the rest of the day had been.

"You know," Chuck said with a lazy, sensual drawl in his voice. "I wasn't thinking about the professor or my mother earlier when we began our discussion."

"What were you thinking about then?" Lily asked, as she now teased the curls at the base of his neck.

Chuck leant forward, exposing more skin for Lily to pet. He didn't want her to stop touching him so his courage failed him for a moment and he did not answer her truthfully. Instead, he joked, "Whether they make a mean chateaubriand here. I'm hungry."

"Charles," Lily said, but the recrimination in her voice for his evasion was mild.

Chuck's expressive mouth curled into a smile. "I was thinking about _you_, Lily."

She went still as she always did when he danced towards the mutual attraction that they were supposed to be ignoring.

"I was thinking that even though this day was strange and … terrible," he swallowed, but continued on, "that I was glad you were with me for it. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else."

Lily's expression softened and she was framing his face with her hands. "Oh, Charles. I'll always be there for you. The adoption wasn't just to get you out of Jack's clutches … though that was definitely a plus. I really _want_ you as part of my family."

"I know," Chuck said. He closed the space between them. They were so near one another that they were sharing breath. "But I can't help being a selfish bastard and wanting … _more._"

"Charles, we can't do this here," Lily said, pointedly, her eyes flickering over to the bar's other patrons. But so far no one seemed to notice them.

"We can't do this _here_? So does that mean we can do this _other places_?" Chuck asked, his hands framing her small waist. He could feel her breathing and heart rate jump up as soon as he touched her.

"I want to do what's best for you," she whispered.

"You are. You will. Doing what's best for me doesn't _preclude_ this. I would argue that it _includes_ it," Chuck argued, flexing his hands.

"It doesn't. For God's sake, it _shouldn't_. Can you imagine what people would say?" Lily asked.

"I don't _care_ what people say. Nor do you or you wouldn't have chosen to start dating Rufus Humphrey before my father was cold in his grave," Chuck said and watched as she began to shut down on him. Cursing his idiocy, he tightened his hold on her. "That wasn't a criticism. It came out wrong. Surely, you know that I care for you. You _must_. You seem to read my mind every other time. I can't believe you don't know _this_."

"It's not that they would talk, Charles. It's that what they would say would be _true_," Lily said and then switched into a very good impression of a matronly socialite, "Oh, that Lily Bass! She couldn't keep her hands off the beautiful boy in her care. He's troubled and in need of a mother's love, but what does she do? She takes him to her bed. And to think we only thought she was a _whore_ before, but now we know the truth. She's a _predator_, too."

"Anyone who knows me also knows that you couldn't manipulate me into bed," Chuck argued. "If nothing else, people will think that _I_ seduced _you_ and not the other way around."

"You think you're immune from needing others? That no one could ever get under your skin who shouldn't?" Lily gave him this pitying look. "Everything about you from your jaded worldview to your sharp tongue tells me that you need … that you are in _desperate need_ … of love," Lily said softly, resting her forehead against his.

"Then _love_ me," Chuck said.

"I _do_," she answered.

Chuck closed his eyes. The scent of her tickled his senses. She felt perfect in his arms. He'd never felt anything that felt so viscerally right before and he didn't know how to describe it. He knew she felt it, too. But she was trying to be noble.

"This is inevitable, you know," Chuck said.

"What is?"

"Us. Together. I can feel it. So can you," Chuck said.

"Then it's also going to inevitably _fail_," Lily said, and the pain in her voice physically hurt him. "Charles, you need a stable influence in your life. Someone who won't go away as soon as things get tough. Someone you won't worry is going to leave you. As your _mother_ … I can be that person, but as your _lover_ …," her voice trailed off. She shook herself and continued, "You're not ready to settle down. This couldn't be permanent for you. And yet permanency is exactly what you need from me," Lily said, her eyes pleading with him to understand. "I won't _risk_ you over what would be an ill-advised fling. No matter how much … no matter how much we might want something else right at this moment."

"Words won't convince either of us," Chuck said, raking his hand through his hair. "I just want you to know where I stand. Where I'll always stand. And I'll be ready for this when you are."

Lily shook her head. "You're so stubborn. I knew convincing you wasn't going to be easy."

"And I knew the same about you. But understand this … Lily _Bass_ … I aim to ensure that you keep that surname for the rest of your life," Chuck said. "That is my goal and I won't be deterred from it."

Lily's eyebrows rose, but then a bright tinkle of laughter escaped her and her eyes shone with admiration and love for him. "Well, time will see which one of us wins."


End file.
